On October 29, 2010, I was ordained as a deacon in the Episcopal Church.

At the time, I thought I was what the Church problematically calls a “vocational” deacon. This is a problematic adjective for two reasons. First, “transitional” deacons, that is, deacons who are ordained on their way to their later ordination as priests, are also vocational: to become a deacon is to stay one. Holy orders are … sticky. (The ten-dollar word is “ontological.”) It’s the idea (which I believe is a good one) that something fundamental about a person changes, or is revealed, or is fulfilled, when she is ordained. Something indelible happens when she is set apart for a particular ministry in the Church. But the second reason is even more important: all baptized Christians are called to a diaconal vocation. We are all “vocational deacons,” in the sense that Christ himself comes among us as one who serves, and we are all baptized into his servant ministry, his diaconate.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us…” —Hebrews 12:1

My friend Michelle proclaimed this verse as she ran alongside me yesterday. She shared about 11+ miles of my 26.2-mile run. I began with my close friend and classmate Christopher, who ran with me for seven miles or so. After Michelle, I found Brian, who like Michelle is a member of St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church in Burke. All told, my friends shared about 24 of the 26.2 miles with me.

Today I did something I haven't done for nearly a year and a half: I took a chalice at Holy Communion, brought it to my lips, and drank from it. Don't worry: it wasn't wine. It was grape juice. What follows is a reflection from my own perspective: deacon, psychotherapist, lifelong participant in Protestant churches (Lutheran and Episcopal), and alcoholic. (I also studied sacramental theology about four years ago, and I read things, but don't expect the latest in the field here: this is just me sharing some of my experiences, thoughts, and feelings. Note also that I take to heart a line from page 103 of the Big Book of AA: "...we have stopped fighting anybody or anything. We have to!" This is not a manifesto, an argument, or the last word on anything. Take it or leave it.)